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AITA for telling my stepson that his kids weren't my responsibility.
#Reddit #AITA
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Am I the [ __ ] for telling my stepson that his kids weren't my responsibility? My wife was a lot younger than me and she had a 10 year old son when we met her ex had shared custody.
I had a couple of grown children from my first wife, my stepson, Charlie and I never really bonded.
He had a father and he made it clear.
I wasn't his parent, just his mom's husband, I respected this.
He was always polite and respectful.
Just distant I helped pay for his university when he went and we attended his graduation when he got married.
Our invitation was made out to his mother, plus one that was kind of a slap in the face, but we still attended and gave them a substantial cash gift to start their life.
The thank you card didn't have my name on it.
My first wife had passed away from cancer and it broke me.
I didn't want to go through that again.
Her youth was one thing that attracted me to my second wife.
I know it was selfish, but I liked having a beautiful young wife to take care of, and she liked me well enough.
I didn't realize how much I loved her until she died.
She passed away from a stroke.
She was 49.
Charlie came to the funeral with his family, his wife, whom I had only met at the wedding and his kids.
We had known he had kids, but he had never made the effort to bring them for a visit.
My wife loved the kids but Charlie wouldn't make the effort to come see us.
My wife only had a very small estate and she left it all to Charlie.
He also took almost everything of sentimental value that she owned before we got married, I didn't begrudge him any of it.
My first grandchild just graduated [ __ ] laude last year and I went to his graduation.
My son and his wife have worked hard to get their kids into college and I am proud of them.
My son mentioned that my grandson had a job waiting and would be debt-free.
Pretty quick I asked how much he owed.
Then I wrote him a check to pay it off I plan.
To do this, for all my grandchildren, I guess my daughter-in-law and my stepson's wife are Facebook friends or something he found out.
What I did and he came around to ask if I planned to do the same for his children I.
Don't really have any connections to his kids.
I don't see them.
They don't consider me their grandfather, I personally, only ever seen them at the funeral.
I was really put off by him coming by to ask about money after ignoring me for years.
I know that if my wife were alive, she would want me to help out her son.
It just felt dirty I said that I had money for them in my will and if they needed it for University I would give it to them early.
He said I'm a petty little man and that his mom would be ashamed of me for treating his kids like this I.
Don't really think I owe them anything.
They have a real grandfather I'm only including them in my will, for my wife sake, so am I the [ __ ], not the [, __ ].
You don't owe them anything, and it's very telling that Charlie wants no relationship with you, except when it comes to money, not the [, __, ] and I'd.
Consider Crossing them out of your will as well.
He had his right to keep distance, but he can't expect to gain smth.
Your kids were in your life, so you helped their families, that's how it works.
He stated you are just his mother's husband, so he shouldn't expect anything.
Not the [ __ ] I would tell Charlie that he has defined the relationship you have with him and his family.
That relationship is one of acquaintances, basically strangers, who just happened to have loved the same person in different ways and that you would not wish ill on him or his family, but will only be offering help to the grandchildren.
You have a relationship with then block him, not the [ __ ].
But why are you including them in your will? He got his mother's estate.
You didn't I could understand if you got your wife's estate to pass it along, but you didn't and they're not acting like family and he's acting like an entitled, [ __, ] you're, not being petty, he's the one that obviously have unresolved issues, not the [, __ ] I'm.
Very sorry for your loss.
I lost my fiance when she was 27 and it still hurts almost 20 years later.
It sucks that you never developed a better relationship with your stepson.
It is kind of you to include his children and your will.
It is also kind of you to offer this money early if they need it for school.
Your wife would be proud of you for not being taken advantage of by someone who only wants to use.
You am I the [ __ ] for telling my sister to stop calling me by my maiden name, I'm, going to change names for obvious reasons.
My husband passed away over two decades ago, I still considered myself a married woman.
My sister has criticized my decision to stay loyal many times.
She's tried taking off my wedding ring.
Getting me to cheat and mocking me: I, don't appreciate it.
I've had friends who have tried to set me up, but I tell them.
I don't want another partner and they respect that.
My sister does not the last few years she's been cool until the last week or so we'll call me Mrs Smith, my maiden name was Ms Jones.
My sister has started to call me Ms Jones, like the other night, she made reservations for Ms Jones.
She also mailed me a book for my name Jones.
The yesterday I got kinda sick of it.
She came over and we were getting ready to go somewhere and she made coffee, and she jokingly said your coffee, Ms, Jones and I got really mad.
I said: don't call me that, and she said huh and I said: that's not my name.
I am Mrs Smith and she said it wasn't my name anymore, but it is my name: I, never changed it back.
I.
Never ever will she's just messing with me: I, don't like it.
It really hurts my feelings.
I've told her that and she calls me that.
But she says it's my fault for never changing, JT I never ever want to change it.
I actually love.
When people call me Mrs Smith, it hurts when she calls me Ms Jones I feel deeply for you, but you can't cheat on someone who's passed away.
Death did you part now? Obviously live your life? How you choose not the [ __ ], not the [, __ ].
Your married name is your name on a side.
Note you are allowed to move on dating now, isn't cheating if you're happy, as you are fine, if not then talk to someone 20 years since her husband passed, you can move on with life, even keeping you name, not the [ __ ], but gently.
If your partner is deceased, you're, a widow, you are within your rights to choose not to date and keep your married name, but you are no longer married being set up with someone else would not be cheating and no one else would see it.
That way.
I would suggest it might be time for some therapy.
You haven't legally changed your name back technically, it is still your name, regardless of anything else.
Your sister is wrong.
You have made your feelings clear to her and what you are called is up to you to determine not for her to decide for you you're, not the [ __ ].
Here your sister is having decided that she thinks it is time for you to revert to your maiden name without considering your feelings on the matter, not the [ __ ].
Your sister needs to back TF off.
However, I do see why she's concerned about you I hope you are in grief counseling, because, honestly, there are some worrisome things here am I the [ __ ] for making my pregnant wife cry by calling her less of a person.
This all boils down to my wife's father.
I have a six-year-old son that started living with me as his primary Guardian when he was three and his mom went back to school.
I met my wife through work and I also met her father, who worked at the same company in a higher role than both of us.
My wife knew I had a son, but I said I wouldn't introduce them unless we became a serious couple, because that wouldn't be fair to him.
When my wife did meet my son, they got along really well, I invited her and her father over for dinner.
One night and her father met my son for the first time.
He was weird and awkward around my son and made strange comments about his appearance.
His mama's black I, confronted him after the dinner, and he made some pretty pathetic excuses after that.
I asked him to not contact me outside of work matters and asked her for space.
A couple weeks later, my wife told me she had completely cut her father off for his beliefs.
Our relationship became stronger than ever when we got engaged.
She said she didn't want her father at the wedding.
We ended up both transferring to other companies.
As far as I knew he was gone from both of our lives for good.
My wife is pregnant and due in a month she has already started maternity leave and has been looking for a new job to start after maternity leave, because she doesn't want to stay at her current company yesterday.
She sat me down and told me her dad got her an interview for a job at her old company.
She also told me she has been talking to him for a couple months and wants to know how it would feel about him.
Knowing our future child I told her the truth, I told her I felt betrayed and I felt like she betrayed my son, who she claimed to think of as her son as well.
I told her that she would even ask me that makes her less of a person.
In my eyes she started crying and asked me what kind of insensitive jerk would call the woman pregnant with his kid less of a person, I told her.
That was how I felt and although the language was harsh, I felt it matched what she was asking for after cooling off I'm now unsure.
If my word choice was warranted and wondering if I was an [ __ ] for speaking to her.
That way, while she is pregnant and more emotionally, vulnerable I could have just said: I wasn't, okay with what she was proposing without insulting her character.
Everyone in these comments, saying yta, have obviously never gone through a similar situation.
You didn't call her less of a person.
You said you saw her as less meaning the view you had of her before you see her as a lesser standard.
Now she betrayed your trust.
She didn't communicate with you until she had already followed through you're, not the [ __ ] emo, not the [, __ ] I was expecting to be calling you an [ __ ] from the title, but your Phil is racist.
Af racism is a non-negotiable.
Your wife is willing to tolerate it because, while she gets it in theory, she doesn't really I.
Look 100 white, but I am not.
My oldest daughter does not look white and she is not my husband's biological child.
If Mayan laws had treated her any different than any other child in the family, they would be gone and I would be out so fast if my husband thought that relationship was more important than a child.
If your Phil came to you both and said he has done the work and realized he was wrong and shown that he meant it.
That would be a completely different conversation and you'd be the [ __ ], but that isn't what happened? Your wife is willing to tolerate a racist, I.
Get you I'd be mad too I mean what would happen down the line when her father is in the presence of both kids but treats her son differently.
I feel like your feelings of betrayal, are valid at this moment, but I do think that it was an [, __ ] move to call her less of a person.
It's her father and I get wanting to have him back in her life.
You both could have had a more constructive conversation about this regarding expectations, moving forward and her dad's Behavior towards both kids, not the [ __ ] harsh wording yeah, but you stated that she decided to cut him off for being racist.
His beliefs then decided to get back in contact with him without telling you I am surprised by the ytas when situations are reversed and it's a mill not respecting boundaries or even making racist statements.
People are so quick to call out the husband for not having a spine, not putting his family first Etc.
Why is this different because she is pregnant? I have had four kids and at no point did that make me want to associate with people who think that way.
I honestly, don't know if I can give a judgment, but the people here saying op is just as bad as his fill for what he said is batsh*t insane to me harsh sure, but a grown man being openly racist toward a child is not even close to what up said.
I can't fault, up for his disappointment in his wife am I the [ __ ] for pointing out my sister's privilege.
My sister has three kids seven female five male one male fairly recently the youngest one male was hospitalized.
In the Pediatric ICU for three weeks for a respiratory infection my sister or brother-in-law never left his side and traded off shifts at the hospital with caring for their other kids at home.
My sister spent the majority of time at the hospital like two three days straight at a time now this is the part where I may be the [ __ ].
We were having a family dinner a week or so after the baby came home.
And my sister was tearing up talking about the experience and how she couldn't imagine leaving her child alone in that hospital.
I thought that she should know how lucky she was to be able to stay or trade off with her husband.
So I told her that not everyone has that privilege, like a single mom with other kids or working parents, she got quietly.
Angry.
Looked at me and said she didn't feel so.
Privileged when she had to start CPR on her own child, she works where CPR is mandatory and left without saying anything else.
A few days later, I asked her for some of her old baby stuff, but she told me she planned on selling them or giving them away to someone else.
I get the feeling she's still angry at me.
My mom agrees that I wasn't the [ __ ] at the table, but my sister is so angry am I the [ __ ].
You are the [ __ ].
What was your goal in telling her that one of the scariest times in her life could have been worse? Are you a single mother and jealous of your sister yeah? You are the [ __ ].
Have you ever done, CPR on a family member I have it was my mother and it was hands down the single most traumatizing event of my life and I'm 100, positive that if I ever had to do that on my child, I would have a full on PTSD mental breakdown.
After the crisis had passed regardless of outcome, it is accurate that your sister and husband have enough privilege to be able to stay by their baby's side.
However, one that should be a basic human right and two you rub that event in their face.
While they are still traumatized, I'm surprised she didn't go, no contact, you op are missing a sensitivity chip.
You are the [ __ ], you weren't, pointing out her privilege.
You were minimizing her traumatic experience.
It is probably the least helpful thing you could say in that moment.
Yes, of course you are the [ __ ] I, can't imagine what kind of gymnastics are involved in both you and your mom, seeing nothing wrong with what you did.
The baby had been home for a week a week, and your sister is clearly still struggling with the trauma of it.
Her child could have died and you decided that the best you could do instead of offer, love or support, was to bring up how other people could not do what she did and what was your [ __ ] point that she should be grateful.
Can you hear how callous and clueless that is info up? Are you going to be a single parent yourself asking for baby things? Eta you're, the [ __ ] I had hoped.
Maybe this felt personal to you I hope you never have to be in the same position to know just how much your comment hurt.
This is one of those cases where accurate doesn't matter as much as tactor sister needed support, not a reminder of how lucky she is.
She knows and she's still struggling with everything that happened from point A to point B foreign.
